I Have Something To Say

     Of course I'd have something to say. How boring will it be to have a blog and not say anything at all? What's the use of that, even?

     Seriously, though, I just had one of the surprises of my life this afternoon. I don't want to elaborate much for fear of some of the people I know personally to read it and spread rumors or talk about it too much...but, I can tell you that it made me a little crazy.

     Have you ever had that moment in your life where there are just no words at all to describe how you feel? Moments that you can't identify if you're happy or sad about something? Well, I'm experiencing that right now.

     I don't even know why I'm affected. It's a simple thing... I'm just complicating things. But here's to the guy who was my first boyfriend. Who was my first kiss. Who was my first dance. Who was my first love...and who was my heartbreak.

     I suffered from depression, mental and physical illness. I threw away the opportunity of studying at my dream school. I fought with my family just so I can spend more time with you and be with you. But that wasn't enough. You went straight ahead and left me for her.

     But that was 5 years ago. I became happy again. I'm a good student now - a better one, to be exact. I have new friends. I go out. I don't always hold my phone and have the need to reply asap. I have all my money to myself because I have no one to buy gifts for. In short... I was finally living my life. Years of not having a single problem about the issues of the heart. Not crying at all because I miss you. Not feeling of having to puke when I see or smell food. I loved how free I felt. It took long to get the smile back onto my face...but I still got it back. I was better.

     And now... here you are. At my school. First thing I said when I saw you?

     What the hell?!

     You didn't answer. All you did was introduce me to you girlfriend.

     Don't get me wrong. She seems nice. I even said hi, didn't I? But there is still this feeling bothering me.

     You just made my world too small. Way too small that I feel suffocated. In all honesty, I don't want to see you every single day! I do miss you sometimes...but this is torture. Now I'm scared to go to the canteen or even at the close establishments around campus. I don't want to bump into you the way I did this afternoon. I was completely taken by surprise.

     I don't know if this is a game that destiny's playing at me but I do hope that you don't play along with it. I am so going to be sick again if more surprises concerning you occurs.

     I don't want to see you. It hurts me.

     A.